Sleep

"Sleep is my lover now, my forgetting, my opiate, my oblivion."
- Audrey Niffenegger  'The Time Traveler's Wife'

Feelings

“It is difficult for a woman to define her feelings in a language which is chiefly made by men to express theirs.”
- Thomas Hardy

Ten Thousand Words

"Ten thousand words swarm around my head

Ten million more in books written beneath my bed

I wrote or read them all when searchin' in the swarms

Still can't find out how to hold my hands

And I know you need me in the next room over

But I am stuck in here all paralyzed

For months I got myself in ruts

Too much time spent in mirrors framed in yellow walls

Ain't it like most people? I'm no different

We love to talk on things we don't know about

Ain't it like most people? I'm no different

We love to talk on things we don't know about

And everyone around me shakes their head in disbelief

And says I'm too caught up

They say young is good and old is fine

And truth is cool but all that matters

Is that you have your good times

But their good times come with prices

And I can't believe it when I hear the jokes they make

At anyone's expese except their own

Would they laugh if they knew who paid?

Ain't it like most people? I'm no different

We love to talk on things we don't know about

Ain't it like most people? I'm no different

We love to talk on things we don't know about

And after we are through ten years

Of making it to be the most of glorious day dues

I'll come back home without my things

'Cause the clothes I wore out there I will not wear 'round you

And they'll be quick to point out our shortcommings

And how the experts all have had their doubts

Ain't it like most people? I'm no different

We love to talk on things we don't know about"

Ten Thousand Words - Avett Brothers

It's Lovely

"It’s lovely to know that the world can’t interfere with the inside of your head."
- Frank McCourt - Angela's Ashes

Surface Noise

Somebody was trying to tell me that CDs are better than vinyl because they don't have any surface noise. I said, "Listen, mate, LIFE has surface noise."
- John Peel

Bella Donna

Baby, I asked you not to keep me waiting
I told you not to keep me waiting
Now the afternoon is fading on

Donna, Bella Donna have you seen me
And have you ever really seen me
Like I want for you to see me now

Lonesome, like you were when you were sixteen
When maybe even if I weren't listening
Did I help when I was kissing you

Donna, Bella Donna are you listening
And were you ever really listening
Like I want for you to listen now

Bella Donna - Avett Brothers

Time

"Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again."
- The Green Mile - Stephen King

Lover's Eyes

Love was kind for a time
But now just leaks and it makes me blind
This mirror holds my eyes too bright
I can't see the others in my life
Were we too young
And heads too strong
To bear the weight of these lover's eyes

'Cause I feel numb beneath your tongue
Beneath the curse of these lover's eyes

But do not ask the price I pay
I must live with my quiet rage
Tame the ghosts in my head
That run wild and wish me dead
Should you shake my ash to the wind
Lord forget all of my sins
Well let me die where I lie
'Neath the curse of my lover's eyes

'Cause there's no drink
Or drug I've tried
To rid the curse of these lover's eyes
And I feel numb beneath your tongue
Your strength just makes me feel less strong

But do not ask the price I pay
I must live with my quiet rage
Tame the ghosts in my head
That run wild and wish me dead
Should you shake my ash to the wind
Lord forget all of my sins
Well let me die where I lie
'Neath the curse of my lover's eyes

I walk slow
I walk slow
Take my hand
Help me on my way

Lover's Eyes - Mumford & Sons

Where

Where you invest your love you invest your life

Everybody

"Everybody needs someone to know who they really are."

- J.T Leroy

Stop

What stops me from doing what i want to do...?

Myself

Even i don't understand myself so how can i ever expect others to?

All Those Yesterdays

"Don't you think you ought to rest?

Don't you think you ought to lay your head down?

Don't you think you want to sleep?

Don't you think you ought to lay your head down tonight?

Don't you think you've done enough?

Oh, don't you think you've got enough, well maybe.

You don't think there's time to stop

There's time enough for you to lay your head down tonight

Let it wash away

All those yesterdays

What are you running from?

Taking pills to get along

Creating walls to call your own

So no-one catches you drifting off and

Doing all the things that we all do

Let them wash away

All those yesterdays

All those yesterdays

All those paper plates

You've got time, you've got time to escape

There's still time, it's no crime to escape

It's no crime to escape, it's no crime to escape

There's still time, so escape

It's no crime, crime.

All those yesterdays" 

All Those Yesterdays - Pearl Jam

If

“If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.”

- Anthony Robbins

Communication

"There is no pleasure to me without communication: there is not so much as a sprightly thought comes into my mind that it does not grieve me to have produced alone, and that I have no one to tell it to"
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

Treasure

"Stock your mind. It is your house of treasure and no one in the world can interfere with it." 

- Frank McCourt

Talk On Indolence

"Well I've been lockin' myself up in my house for sometime now

Readin' and writin' and readin' and thinkin'

And searching for reasons and missing the seasons.

The Autumn, the Spring, the Summer, the snow.

The record will stop and the record will go.

Latches latched the windows down,

The dog coming in and the dog going out.

Up with caffeine and down with a shot.

Constantly worried about what I've got.

Distracting my work but I can't make a stop

And my confidence on and my confidence off.

And I sink to the bottom and rise to the top

And I think to myself that I do this a lot.

World outside just goes it goes it goes it goes it goes it goes...

And witness it all from the blinds of my window.

THREE, FOUR

I'm a little nervous 'bout what you'll think

When you see me in my swimming trunks

And last night in New York I got raging drunk

Remember one time I got raging drunk with you

Now, I can recall a time when we made the city

Streets our playground, kissing in the fountains

Filled with cigarettes and bottles

Sped through Italian city streets of cobblestone

Because we had to

Because I loved you

Because the damned alcohol

Beacuse what ever at all

Now I've grown to aware of my mortality

To let go and forget about dying

Long enough to drop the hammer down

And let the indolence go wild and flying through

Because we had to"

Talk On Indolence - Avett Brothers

Solitude

"I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers".

- Solitude - Henry David Thoreau

After The Storm

And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

I will die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and mine so small.
Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

After The Storm - Mumford & Sons

Love

"Was love then like a bag of assorted sweets passed around from which one might choose more than once? Some might sting the tongue, some invoke night perfume. Some had centers as bitter as gall, some blended honey and poison, some were quickly swallowed. And among the common bull's-eyes and peppermints a few rare ones; one or two with deadly needles at the heart, another that brought calm and gentle pleasure." 

- Annie Proulx - The Shipping News

I'm Still Here

She said to me over the phone

She wanted to see other people

I thought, "Well then, look around. They're everywhere."

Said that she was confused

I thought, "Darling, join the club."

24 years old, midlife crisis

Nowadays hits you when you're young

I hung up, she called back, I hung up again

The process had already started

At least it happened quick

I swear I died inside that night

A friend, he called, I didn't mention a thing

The last thing he said was "Be sound."

Sound.

I contemplated an awful thing I hate to admit

I just thought those would be such appropriate last words

But I'm still here

And small

So small, how could this trouble seem so big?

So big

Where the palms in the breeze still blow green

And the waves in the sea still absolute blue

But the horror

Every single thing I see is a reminder of her

Never thought I'd curse the day I met her

But since she's gone and wouldn't hear..

Who would care? What good would that do?

But I'm still here

So imagine in a month or twelve

I'll be somewhere having a drink

Laughing at a stupid joke or just another stupid thing

And I can see myself stopping short

Drifting out of the present

Sucked by the undertow and pulled out deep

And there I am standing, wet grass and white head stones

All in rows

And in the distance there is one

Off on its own

So I stop, kneel

My new home

And I picture a sober awakening

A reentry into this little bar scene

Sip my drink till the ice hits my lips

Order another round

That's it for now

Sorry

Never been too good at happy endings

I'm Still Here - Pearl Jam - Eddie Vedder

Rainy Day

  

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way she/he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

- Maya Angelou

Sucker

“If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and you can't tell who the sucker is, it's you.”
-Paul Newman

Happiness

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have."

- Frederick Keonig

Photographs

"Photographs, and particularly groups of photographs, can serve as catalysts to thought and feeling, their limits are measured simply by the person taking them. Whether the viewer’s reaction is exactly the same as the photographer’s is immaterial, as long as the photographs are sufficiently provocative to produce some reaction and increased awareness."
- Raymond Moore 

Alive

"Son," she said, "have I got a little story for you...
What you thought was your daddy was nothin' but a...
While you were sittin' home alone at age thirteen
your real daddy was dyin', sorry you didn't see him, but I'm glad we talked..."

Oh I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey, I, I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey...oh...

Oh, she walks slowly, across a young man's room.
She said "I'm ready...for you..."
"I can't remember anything of this very day,
'cept the look, the look...
Oh, you know where, now I can't see, I just stare..."

I, I'm still alive
Hey I, but, I'm still alive
Hey I, boy, I'm still alive
Hey I, I, I, I'm still alive, yeah
Ooh yeah...yeah yeah yeah...oh...oh...

"Is something wrong?" she said
Of course there is
"You're still alive," she said
Oh, and do I deserve to be?
Is that the question?
And if so...if so...who answers...who answers...?

I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, but, I'm still alive
Yeah I, ooh, I'm still alive
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

- Eddie Vedder & Stone Gossard

Alive - Pearl Jam 

Trust

“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.”

- Marie Curie

The Sea

"My soul is full of longing

for the secret of the sea,

and the heart of the great ocean

sends a thrilling pulse through me."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Magic

"I don't want realism. I want magic! Yes, yes, magic. I try to give that to people. I do misrepresent things. I don't tell truths. I tell what ought to be truth."

- Blanche DuBois - A Streetcar Named Desire

Hippy

I'm a hippy at heart...

Rain

"Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet."
-Roger Miller

Anger

"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean." 

- Maya Angelou

Change

“Time changes everything except something within us which is always surprised by change”

- Thomas Hardy

Again

You know, loneliness is dreadful but i'd rather this than be surrounded by a whole load of people that i can't relate to or don't 'get me', it's a sad fact that as you get older, friends, as well as partners...people that you connect with, really care about and feel something meaningful for you too... become harder to find.
Age brings intolerance which i am ashamed to say separates me, fences me off, closes me down, leaves me alone once again.

Who Are You

"Who are YOU?" said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation.
Alice replied, rather shyly,
"I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."
- Alice's Adventures In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

Little Lion Man

Weep for yourself my man,

You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep Little Lion Man,
You're not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself,
Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems
That you made in your own head

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my...

Tremble for yourself my man,

You know that you have seen this all before

Tremble Little Lion Man,

You'll never settle any of your scores

Your grace is wasted in your face,

Your boldness stands alone among the wreck

Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons

Lessons

"I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind. I should not be ungrateful to these teachers."

- Khalil Gibran

Nakedness

"Nakedness has no color: this can come as news only to those who have never covered, or been covered by, another naked human being."
- James Baldwin

Belief

"I can't believe what you say, because I see what you do."

-James Baldwin

Peace

 “When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”

- Jimi Hendrix

More Than You Know

More Than You Know - Eddie Vedder

Radiators and Drains

Radiators are the people who put the life into the saying 'smile and the world smiles with you.' Radiators are infectious. They naturally make people feel good about themselves. They radiate their energy and enthusiasm like rays from the sun. They are inquisitive and playful but focused too. They have a cup half full mentality.

The Drains are those people in your life who one way or another leave you feeling diminished after you've been with them. You know the feeling - you started off a conversation bright and positive and you came out of it dull, negative and frustrated, or maybe unexplainably cranky and irritable.

Change

"People can cry much easier than they can change." 

-James Baldwin

A Ship Made of Paper

"You know", Kate says, pouring herself more wine, less judiciously this time, "People think that love is what’s best in each of us, our capacity to love, our need for love. They think love is like God, and they worship their own feelings of love, which is really just narcissism masquerading as spirituality. You understand? If we say that God is love, then we can say that love is God, and that gives us the right to all these chaotic, needy, lusting, insane feelings inside of ourselves. We can call it love, and from there it’s just a hop, skip, and a jump to calling it God. But here's a thought. What if God isn’t love? And love isn’t God? What if all those emotions we call love turn out to be what's really worst in us, what if its all the firings of the foulest, most primitive part of the back brain, what if its just as savage and selfish as rage, greed, or lust?"

- 'A Ship Made Of Paper' Scott Spencer

Sunshine

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
- Walt Whitman

Goal In Life

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."
Wayne Dyer

Mooses Come Walking

Mooses come walking over the hill

Mooses come walking, they rarely stand still
When mooses come walking they go where they will
When mooses come walking over the hill

Mooses look into your window at night
They look to the left and they look to the right
The mooses are smiling, they think it's a zoo
And that's why the mooses like looking at you

So, if you see mooses while lying in bed
It's best to just stay there pretending you're dead
The mooses will leave and you'll get the thrill
Of seeing the mooses go over the hill

By Arlo Guthrie

Socks

“Never run in the rain with your socks on”

- Green Day